Thursday, December 29, 2005

Opened Eyes

I'm currently reading A Million Little Pieces by James Frey...about a Crack Addict in Recovery. Love the following excerpt:

Fear is only fear. I know that nothing can hurt me more than I have already hurt myself. I know there is no pain that I cannot endure. I know that if I hold on I will be fine. I know I am strong.

If you look back at all the shit you've been through, and all the shit that gets you worked up right now, at this very moment, it's really nothing you can't conquer. I lost my mom at 16 and ran away from home on more than one occasion. I moved across the country alone with nothing more than $2,000. And here I am pissing and moaning because I'm in a slump. Well I've been through worse, so this is a cakewalk. We've all been through worse.

Slumpity Slump Slump Slump

Oooh dear. I feel like I've gained 11.3 pounds since arriving in Missouri. All of the jeans I brought with me are so tight all of a sudden! It's no surprise as I've been living off of chocolate, peanut butter, waffles and gourmet dinners at mediocre restaurants. And I'm in a slump. I'm a frumpy girl in a shitty slump. I've even renewed my membership. This is so embarrassing. Good thing I'm not still an avid beer drinker, or I'd have gained 22.6 pounds. Ugh. Boo. Sigh. I hate and every stupid boy who "winks" at me. Keep your "wink" and stick it up your "ass." Ha. That makes me smile.

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Kansas City Nights

Top 10 Reasons Why Last Night Was Worth Making a Top 10 List About:

1. Had dinner at Ruby Tuesday with an ex-BFF-turned-friend-again. During dinner, a 5-year-old in the booth behind me tapped me on the shoulder. He then stuck a chewed chicken finger in my glass of water. His parents just sat there. That's Generation Z. Yikes.
2. Got free Diet Cokes because I was the "Designated Driver." Or so I told them.
3. Got a massage from a bald guy wearing a blazer.
4. My personal fave: Met a guy named Regina. Visual: Regina was African-American and wore dirty jeans, combat boots and a white sweater that showed his toned midriff. He wore mascara and sporadically applied a shimmery pink shade of Wet 'n' Wild lipstick when he thought no one was looking. Regina continually kept fixing my hair and would jump in our photos and strike a pose when anyone whipped out a camera. Then he asked me for five bucks, so he could get some food.
5. A big guy kept having his friend take our me and the big guy together. I started to get nervous that the tasteful pics would wind up on the 'net, until he lost his Sidekick. No problem there.
6. Met a pseudo-rock star named Buddy. He had long hair and Jared Leto eyes.
7. Had the best meal I've eaten at Denny's...ever. And yes I had both dinner and breakfast within a six-hour period.
8. Statistically, my hometown of Independence, MO, is the Meth Capital of the World. It's also the town where Harry S. Truman was born and where the Mormons think Jesus will come back when he returns. (Btw. Happy early birthday, Jesus.) Well I found out that some people I went to high school with actually do do meth. Ew. So sad.
9. How is New York? I hate it when people ask me that question. Perhaps it's the best thing acquaintances can think to ask me. It's nice and perceptive, considering I forget where nearly everyone except my immediate friends and family live and work because my memory is equivalent to that of an 80-year-old's. But I still hate it. So to answer your question: New York is fine. It will always be fine unless we get a repeat of 9/11, God forbid. So it's still there, still an island, the buildings are still there, still blocking out the sunlight. I still can't understand what more than half of the people are saying and the homeless are still break dancing for money. That my friend, is how New York is.
10. Got to spend time with my rarely seen lovelies Jessi, Joey and Gwen.

BTW: Have you ever rejected someone's friendship on Friendster? So bad. I just received a friend request from a random guy I've never talked to. Generally, I'll be anyone's friend until you prove that you're a jerk, but on Friendster, I prefer to actually know/like my friends. So when I received a request from Barry, I said NO, I do not want to be Barry's friend. I get a response: "SUCCESS. You have rejected a friend request from Barry." How bad does that sound? It's like saying, "You have successfully reached BITCH status."

Monday, December 19, 2005

Home Sweet Home

Dec. 17, 4 a.m. Arrived at the airport, sans any cute cabbie. Lug 10 tons of luggage to the check-in line, only to find that the attendants aren't due in until 5 a.m. My flight is at 6. I make eyes with a cute boy, then lie on the ground to get some sleep, as I stayed up all night with my drunk roommates. There's a happy couple in the front of the line who keep kissing and laughing and there's no FUCKING reason to be so fucking happy at 4 in the morning. FUCK.

5:45 a.m. Board the aircraft and give some whiny little boy my window seat. I like the window seat b/c it's more comfy to sleep next to. I guess I felt like being saintly.

9 a.m. Chill in Atlanta, work on RFL stuff.

11 a.m. Board the aircraft, sit next to another happy fucking couple.

1:30 p.m. Arrive in KC to my pop taking my photo after a sleepless night. It just wouldn't be quite right if the man didn't have his camera in my face. I love him for it.

2 p.m. Find out some kid took MY blue duffel bag and left his. My bag was three times the size of his, what are the odds? Fuck.

Dec. 18, 3 p.m. Aftering having worn the same pair of panties for 36 hours, I finally get my clothes back. AND a free round-trip ticket anywhere the airline goes. Nice! Happy couples and all, I guess things do happen for a reason.

Why is it that the person you're closest with in the whole world is the one you fight with the most?

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

My First Re-Gift of the Season

Today I received a massive blue box from Tiffany & Co. tied in a white bow. This could only mean one thing: It's gift-giving season from the PR lovelies I work with. After opening the glittery "Holiday Cheer" card from a certain cosmetics company, I waited for a few seconds in anticipation. I never get any signature Tiffany & Co. blue boxes, let alone a massive one that takes up one third of my cubicle. Then I dive right in. After sifting through mounds of bubble wrap, my hands grasp what could only be crystal champagne flutes. Two of them. One for me and one for my...?

1. I don't drink. Alcohol. Ever. Trust me. It's better this way.
2. I don't have a cute boyfriend to toast in the new year with.
3. I don't have a fancy apartment, let alone a china cabinet, in which to display the lovely flutes.

This simply calls for an occasion none other than re-gifting. Who's the lucky married couple going to be?

Monday, December 12, 2005

The Best Rejection of All Time

Long story short, I had what I thought was a date with a boy on Saturday night. Only on Saturday morning, I woke up to this from said boy, sent at 1:58 a.m.:

About tomorrow evening- why don't you just come over my place and we'll get naked no strings attached? if not that's cool we can just be friends, see a movie.(sic)

Perhaps in college I could be found sans any strings. But after carefully assessing what I want out of a relationship in this current phase of my life, I think it's safe to say that if you make out with me and then say how you had a great time and want to see me again, I'm going to come with a string or two.

Wednesday, December 7, 2005

Holiday Cheer

If I get one more elf ass forward, I'm gonna scream. I get this every December, and after getting "Elfed" five times this year, the joke's a little old. Why not "Jake" me? I wouldn't mind getting "Jake-ed" a bit. A little Jakey G. ass wouldn't be so bad.

Tuesday, December 6, 2005

I Love You Enough To Buy You Things For Christmas

Argh! Holiday shopping. I used to love it. Walking around Independence Center back in my hometown of...Independence, MO. The lights, the sales, the big obnoxious tree, the sales. The only shopping season that sucked was the one when I worked at Old Navy, trying to earn extra money for my lavish, high school lifestyle. I would stand at the entrance near Sears in my navy blue T-shirt and jeans with uber-important headset and hand out blue mesh shopping bags with a pseudo-smile, while simultaneously listening to Santa-meets-disco holiday tunes. Ick.

Since I've become a grown-up, my to-buy-for list has dramatically increased, and even though I have a "career," I feel my income has been flushed down the poo-poo hole. In HS, I had my 'rents, grandma, my three closest friends and the one time I had a holiday honey, him, too. I had a part-time job, and the only thing I really had to pay for was I had lots o' money! In college, I had an exorbitant amount of extra change from student loans to pay my cheap Missouri rent and a part-time job to support my weekly habit of quarter draws and martini madness. My pledge daughter also happened to be a close friend, so that there killed two birds with one stone. I bought everyone else beer and spent a few bucks on my dad and g-ma.

But alas, The Real World. Now there's corporate secret santas, boss, dad, dad's girlfriend, dad's girlfriend's parents, grandma, friends from work, friends from college, friends from home, friends in New York, friends from various organizations... good thing I didn't join a book club. And I'll definitely have to kick the weekly habit of buying shoes in order to appease my laundry list of loved ones. Ooh. Epiphany! Perhaps I'm just lucky that I have a laundry list of loved ones. Unlike my monthly rent, they're worth a paycheck or two. Warm, fuzzy feeling. :)
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