Thursday, April 15, 2010

NYC Cleanse: Post Cleanse + Verdict

Wake up today refreshed and psyched that I don't have anymore juice sitting in my fridge. Am 5 lbs. lighter since Monday! After five days with no coffee, my first stop is my personal Cheers, where the baristas all know my name and how I take my joe. I know the stars are aligned when I see that the flavor of the day is my absolute favorite — Caramel Nut Fudge! I then throw them for a loop when I request skim instead of my usual full-fat milk. Practically skip to work, pausing to pick up some fruit for breakfast. Upon arriving to work, I don't feel like eating. Shocking, I know. I finally start noshing on my fruit at around 10am, and it takes me a good hour to eat it.

At around 2pm, I head to Energy Kitchen for a salad. Apparently they're giving away sandwiches from 12-2pm today because it's tax day. Um, OK. The guy at the door won't let me in because he needs to cut off the "free food" line. I snap, "I don't want your free food. I just want to buy a damn salad." I'm pretty pissed. 1. Your business is open. There are better ways to run things. Like cutting off the free food line, not the entire store front. 2. I haven't eaten in three days. If you don't get out of my way, I won't hesitate to go all Hannibal Lecter on you and eat your ass. He proceeds to have an employee escort me to the salad bar. After nibbling on my salad, I begin to feel a bit nauseous. Maybe it's mental, but I'm turned off by food at the moment. This is a first.

*rant* Since living in New York, I've found that my patience has worn thin, and I feel extremely entitled when it comes to customer service. I blow up at cabbies who don't know their way around Manhattan and at waiters who don't know their ear from their elbow. I can understand if you're new, but if you're not new, and you were hired to do a particular job, and you work at an ice cream shop and don't know how to say "flavor" in English, we're going to have a problem. *end rant*

Off to La Casa Day Spa for my um, first-ever colonic. I don't think I will go into too much detail after all, but if you're that curious about my poo-poo endeavors, you need help feel free to message me privately! It was pretty much what I expected — my um, "stuff" came out in a tube. Then I sat on a toilet for 30 minutes. 'Nough said.

Total Pounds Lost: 6 lbs.

Overall, Jami (who lost a whopping 10 pounds!) and I are both extremely glad we did it — I feel lighter and healthier. I don't even want the chocolate in the conference room. Well... not really. Not only do I get full faster (thus, eating less), but I think twice about what I put in my body. Granted, talk to me in a month to see where I am. But I do hope this "health kick" sticks and rather than eating four cupcakes a week, I only treat myself to one. Would I do this again? Perhaps. Would I recommend this to a friend? Yes. But I do think there are less expensive options out there. I mean, it's just juice. Psst... if you decide to try the Blueprint Cleanse, use this 15% off discount code. You're welcome. Maybe next time I'll try Salma Hayek's Cooler Cleanse, though they do make you drink a juice that's identical to my personal hell the beet juice. Erm, nevermind. Thanks to my friend James, I will be playing Whack-A-Beet on a daily basis, instead.

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Wednesday, April 14, 2010

NYC Cleanse: Day 3

It's my last day, yaya! Confession: I am really proud of myself. Yesterday, fellow cleanser Jami asked if I've cheated. I happily said no, I have not cheated, and no, I am not lying. BPC says you can have snacks like cucumber and celery if you really need to eat — but it's been only juice and water for me. And I honestly haven't been too hungry. By the time my stomach starts to growl, it's time for another awesome juice, which does the trick. Also looks like I've lost a total of 4 lbs. Final weigh-in coming after tomorrow's colonic. And yes, you're going to hear all about it.

Juice 1: Green Lemon
8:30am See? Even Sophie Sassypants wants nothing to do with the liquified leaves Green Juice, and she's been known to eat pretty much anything.

Juice 2: P.A.M.
11am Oh, Pamela, how I am going to miss you. Your pineapple-minty goodness has been my saving grace. You are the one BPC juice I would happily purchase for $1.79 from my local convenience store. But alas, you are only available in $200 increments surrounded by your less redeeming friends, Green Apple and C.A.B. Perhaps we will meet again after a few donuts and slices of pizza.

Juice 3: Green Apple
2pm And you were just starting to get bearable! Adios, GJ.

Juice 4: Spicy Lemonade

3:30pm Meh. I have very little love for you. *Desperately wanting an iced coffee right about now.*

Just got this email from a coworker:
From: Coworker

Wednesday, April 10, 2010, 5:25pm
Chocolates in the Conference Room
Hi all,
I brought chocolate back from Hawaii for everyone. Please help yourself and enjoy.
I was halfway to the conference room when I remembered where I was and what I was doing. FML.

Juice #5: C.A.B.
Let the record state that if you like beets, you would probably like C.A.B. But as a result of a traumatic experience, my distaste for beets goes into a full-on hatred. Case in point: Out to dinner recently with my friend Rachel. Her entree comes with beets. I proceed to make faces throughout the meal due to the smell alone. Looking back, it was a bit rude on my part. Sorry, Rach. Anyway, good riddance.

Proceed to spend next hour talking Jami off the ledge.
She wants to *gasp* eat dinner tonight! I tell her that it's like sex — so much better when you wait. Our "doctor's appointments" are tomorrow, and BPC says to ease back into eating "solids," so I'm planning on mixed fruit for breakfast, and a cheeseless green salad with olive oil for lunch. I have been thinking about Friday's food intake all week. I had originally decided on an onion bagel with full-fat scallion cream cheese for breakfast, followed by a celebratory Chipotle lunch with Jami. Then I remembered — my eating habits must change. If I'm going to have a damn bagel for breakfast, I better be prepared to have a salad for lunch. And vice versa. Chipotle and Fiber One it is. It occurs to Jami to mix vodka with her remaining juices.

Juice #6: Cashew Nut Milk

8:30pm I drink this with pleasure. Me: 18. BPC: 0. I did it!!!

Day 3: Done. (But my journey does not end here, my friends...)

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

NYC Cleanse: Day 2

Went to bed last night with anxiety about the next day's juices and severe headache — I blame lack of caffeine. Wake up this morning cranky. Probably because I know I'm not getting coffee or food of any kind. I'm not hungry, I just LOVE FOOD! Cheesy pasta goodness? Get in my belly. Determined to plow through, I drink my hot lemony water and go about my business. My um, bathroom habits are fairly normal, btw. (I know you were dying to ask.) Oh! But I seemed to have lost 2 lbs. Score.

Juice 1: Green Lemon
8:30am Plug nose and go for it. Surprisingly easier than yesterday. Side note: Maybe it's mental, but I find it useful to hold my nose during Juices #1, #3, and #5, because if I can't smell it, it's not really there... right?
Juice 2: P.A.M.
10:30am Have decided that this juice is my favorite. It's refreshing and thirst-quenching... like a healthy Gatorade of sorts. I sip on this for an hour, savoring it, and trying not to think about what's to come.

Juice 3: Green Apple
1pm Halfway there! I let my boss sample the grass-in-a-bottle Green Juice, and she seems to enjoy it. Then again, she is a phenomenal cook and enjoys various types of veggies that are generally foreign to me — most of which I wouldn't touch with a 10-foot pole. Done and done. Me: 3. Green Juice: 0. But I run out of giant Starbucks straws. Must replenish stash for Juice #5. *shudders*

Juice 4: Spicy Lemonade
2:30pm No biggie. I drink this while stealing straws running errands.

Juice 5: C.A.B.
5pm Have been dreading this moment all day. Wishing I were Dwight Schrute right about now. He has a beet farm. You can't have a beet farm and not love beets. Coworker Naomi is intrigued by my plight, so I offer her a sip. (Less for me!) She mentions that it tastes like pickles. Plug nose. Dive in. And then there was one. Looking forward to tonight's "milkshake."

Juice 6: Cashew Nut Milk
8:30pm Still doesn't taste like ice cream, but I kind of like it. Kind of. Tonight I noticed that my body feels lighter, overall — likely a result of not being weighed down by cheeseburgers and donuts. This must be how vegans feel. I have no plans to convert, but I am hoping that this feeling will help me think twice about cleaning my entire plate of penne a la vodka.

Day 2: Done!

Monday, April 12, 2010

NYC Cleanse: Day 1

Yes. That is my weight at the right. Don't judge. Supposedly it's average for my height. On the higher end of average, but I digress. And kindly disregard my orange feet, courtesy of last week's Mystic Tan. This is my journey to cleanliness, and I am not holding back. Moving on... BPC says to start the day with warm water and lemon — apparently this gets your intestines moving. Fine. I paid $200, and I'm going to do it right. Pour glass of warm water and immediately squirt lemon juice in my eye. Ouch. Am not off to a good start.

Juice 1: Green Lemon (romaine, celery, cucumber, green apple, spinach, kale, parsley, lemon)
8:20am I have not heard good things about this Green Juice, so I take drastic measures in the form of stealing some of those big straws from Starbucks for faster, um, sucking. Toothbrush is prepped with toothpaste. I am ready. I start gulping. Not so bad. I pause to catch my breath. Oh, God. I am overwhelmed by healthy bursts of flavor. Kale. Parsley. Spinach. Determined to get my money's worth, I finish in one slurp. I burp celery. This $20 bottle of juice cannot come back up. Gulp water, brush teeth, I am done. I am rock star.

I pass my coffee shop on the way to work — it is calling my name. I say I am sorry, but I cannot come in today, even if the flavor of the day is Caramel Nut Fudge. I see a man eating McDonald's hash browns on the train. I stare longingly, mouth agape. I realize I resemble one of the New York crazies and go about my business. Side note: Jami says she loves the Green Juice. FML.
Juice 2: P.A.M. (pineapple, apple, mint)
9:45am Tasty. This one I like.

Juice 3: Green Apple (romaine, celery, cucumber, kale, parsley, green apple, spinach, lemon)
12:30pm You, again. I love how they change the name of the juice to entice me, when truthfully, it's the same ol' shit I drank this morning. Awesome. Jami says to focus on the green apple, so I do. It helps for all of two gulps. Then the spinach rears its ugly head. But I finish.

Juice 4: Spicy Lemonade (filtered water, lemon, agave nectar, cayenne)
2:30pm Not bad. It's like lemonade... with a kick. Trying not to think about Juice #5. Post Juice #4, I sit through a brutally long meeting. For the first time today, my stomach growls.

Juice 5: C.A.B. (carrot, apple, beet, ginger, lemon)
6pm *nervous* Can't. Handle. Beets. Traumatic childhood experience: 9 years old, babysitter's house. PB&J and beets for lunch. I try the beets and immediately gag. Babysitter won't let me leave the table until beets are gone. The other kids ate their beets and are bouncing on the trampoline outside. I sit there until 5pm when my mom arrives. I am forever scarred.

Fill plastic cup with ice, prep Starbucks straw. Mmmm, Starbucks... Focus, Tina! The colder the juice is, the less I will taste the beets. And ginger. I forgot about the ginger. Hate the stuff. Pour juice, start gulping. I barely taste it! Until I pause to take a breath. Then the lingering taste of beets mixed with ginger manifests in my throat. Memories of my 9-year-old self waft through my mind. A coworker walks in to find  me staring forlornly at my cup o' beets. I laugh and try to explain why I'm staring into a cup of thick red juice. Mention the cleanse and impending colonic. (Seriously?! Do I have no filter? Do not discuss colonics with work colleagues I rarely interact with!) She raises her eyebrows and leaves. I finish my juice. I burp a beet and shudder. I leave work for my Monday night dance class and continue to silently burp beets mixed with ginger all throughout class. Gross is an understatement.

Juice 6: Cashew Nut Milk (filtered water, raw cashews, agave nectar, vanilla bean, cinnamon)
9pm After class, I longingly walk by all my favorite fast food joints — Five Guys (burgers), Chipotle (burritos), Grimaldi's (pizza). I heard a rumor that Juice #6 tastes like a milkshake, and it's my saving grace. I get home, pop it open and take a sip, expecting to savor its ice creamy goodness. WTF?! This is not a milkshake. It's... it's nothing more than a nut-flavored milky substance with a hint of cinnamon. So much for great expectations. I drink it anyway. Ha. Nut-flavored milky substance... oh, shutyourpiehole, you thought it, too.

Day 1: Done.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

The New York Cleanse

Donuts, bagels,  coffee, macaroni & cheese, pizza, pasta, diet coke, brownies. The occasional vegetable. My eating habits need an overhaul. My body needs an overhaul. When my sweet work colleague Nicole first recommended the Blueprint Cleanse, I scoffed. $200 for three days worth of juice?! No, thanks. That was last winter. It is now Jersey Shore season, and I intend to flaunt my semi-bikini-bod with confidence. Truthfully, I just need a kick start to a slightly healthier lifestyle. At 28 years old, the time has come for veggies and anti-wrinkle cream. Armed with my cleanser-in-crime Jami and Nicole's encouragement, I schedule myself for the three-day Renovation Cleanse — this is for the person who thinks french fries are a vegetable, aka me. And just to ensure that my insides are fully clean, I've scheduled a post-cleanse colonic. Sorry, being my friend naturally comes with TMI.

BPC suggests preparing a few days before by phasing out sugar, coffee, meat and dairy. So on Saturday, I quit my morning coffee (and we all know how important this is to me). BPC doesn't mention carbs, so I have a bagel for breakfast. (OK, and a smear of cream cheese...) Then I have some mixed fruit — something I never do. For dinner, I make stir-fry veggies, without rice. (OK, I tried to make rice, but I burned it. So by default... no rice.) I am on a mission to rid my kitchen-slash-living-room of any and all temptation. I toss my cheese. And eggs. Then, I spot a bag of jellybeans. Well, I have to get rid of them, right? So I decide to hide them... in my belly. Dammit. BPC also doesn't mention popcorn, so I eat some of that. And I discover some chocolate chips in the cupboard — I already f---ed up with the jellybeans, so I go ahead and eat those, too.

On Sunday, I vow to start over. In the morning, I accidentally eat half a frosted donut. Whoops. Then I have some mixed fruit, points for me. This is followed by an avocado and a tomato. Then Meagan comes over to watch a movie. She has a Coke Zero. I haven't had caffeine for two days. If I don't have a Coke Zero, I'm going to rip someone's face off. So I drink it. It. Feels. Great. Then I devour the rest of my popcorn. Needless to say, Jami did better with her BPC prep. All that remains is 18 bottles of juice in my fridge... to be continued.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Surfing In New York?

As written for fashion blog 
When you're a New York fashionista, anything goes — even when it's California-style surf wear. I had the privilege of attending the Cynthia Rowley for Roxy launch party last week at Barney's CO-OP, on behalf of friend and fashion blogger Julie at I Heart Heels. Rowley's spring 2010 line for the popular surf brand fuses California chic with New York couture in the form of everything from wetsuits and swimwear to pencil skirts and ballet flats. The stylish Soho soirĂ©e was crawling with magazine editors and fashion's elite, including designer Cynthia Rowley in the flesh. Rowley arrived at the bash in style, wearing a few of her own designs — her Kaleidoscope Tank ($56, and her Threadbare Sequined Tank ($325,

Photos courtesy of PMc

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Google Goes All Kansas On Us

Google thinks they're being funny with their April Fool's Joke. I don't.

 Update, 8/12/10:  Google, you have redeemed yourself.
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