Reflections on Miss Spears' Beer Belly

I'm working out--doing those 200 crunches from Glamour that guarantee results in six weeks (bye-bye beer bellaaah)--and Brit's "Lucky" comes on. Goes a little like this:

"She's so lucky, she's a star
But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart, thinking
If there's nothing missing in my life
Then why do these tears come at night"

And I'm like, she's a real person! Sometimes I forget that these people aren't just the objects that make my story. They cry, too! But then I came to my senses--most of us don't have 55-hour marriages, ruin a perfectly great relationship with Justin Timberlake and flaunt Kabbalah paraphernalia around like it's the best thing since peanut butter. I've done some dumbass things in my life, but I have SOME self-control.

Oh, but I don't have self-control when it comes to SBD. Day #8: It's over. Fuck eggs and fuck lettuce. I just had a PBJ, and it felt great! After losing 4 pounds, I'm a liberated woman. I came to the realization that this diet is for the obese, and that I am not. Tina Diet Day #1: I vow to work out and eat healthy like fat America should be doing.