Life's Simplest Things Can Grant Total Inspiration

So my co-worker has one of those cool tear-off-the-day desk calendars, and today's message is this:

Otis Campbell in the House
My friend Jamie quite drinking a year ago to avoid all of the extremely embarrassing things she had done in public when her alter personality, Otis Campbell, took over. One time she was dancing at a bar, got too close to the stage, and fell into the drum set, completely destroying it. Another time, she went to a party at her Danish then-boyfriends parents' house and yelled to the other Danish guests, "Shmorgedy borgedy norgedy! This is America, people, so speak English!"

Ha! Unfortunately, that could easily be a Tina moment. Perhaps I should give my alcohol-induced alter ego a name, so as not to take full responsibility for my retarded-while-inebriated actions. I think I'll name him Stanley. (Of course my inner drunkie is a boy—boys are stupider than girls.) That way, if I'm acting silly, stupid or slutty, I can just blame it on Stanley. What, someone ate the last of your chocolate cake? Oh, that was just Stanley. He's sorry.