Monday, March 7, 2005

Where's Peter Pan when I need him? we have to grow up and act professional? Why can't we just choose when to grow up? Why can't I just wear black nail polish to work if I want, what makes me too old to like pop punk? In the white collar world, why should I be asked to lose my personality? It's like...people just graduated from college, and now you have to be an adult. It's not weird that I have like, 30-year-old friends. No one asked me if this was OK! It's not OK!

Why did I deem it necessary to miss every Spring Break so I could work and save money? Why did I spend the summers slaving away in greasy, mediocre restaurants, instead of travelling abroad? I've never been to Venice. I had this stupid dream that things would be different in New York. Well they're different, but uh, better? No. Do I have anything to show for it? Mm, yeah but Ms.Honesty isn't that honest. Believe me, it's not like it's good or anything. And I don't give a crap if this makes no sense to any of you, or if it sounds like a fat pity party. I. Don't. Care. I only HATE writing in my personal journal b/c I hate writing. Like literal writing.

Do you ever just feel lower than low and then click through your phone, but you find that you have no one to call? See, usually when it comes to my problems, I'm a talker. Everyone knows about 'em. Ms. Honesty, right here. Well what do you do when you really find you have no one to call? At least no one you want to call. And the only book you have to read sucks, your eyes hurt from crying, and you can't eat ice cream because your tummy hurts. That poem you've started now sounds like crap because you find you're really not a poet, and you never really were. You find that the cover lines on the new Glamour are not appealing - "Help For Every Woman's Hair!" You don't feel like organizing your recipe box or crocheting a new scarf. You've lost 20 games of Snood and 17 games of Solitaire. You want to put off sleeping because you've been having scary dreams lately, and it's tiring. So what do you do? I guess just play 3 more games of Snood, 2 of Solitaire. Read a crappy chapter in the crappy book. And then go to sleep, and pray you don't dream. Just black empty sleep. For 8 hours. Only to wake up tomorrow and realize it was just a bad day. That's all.

Ms. Honesty. Right here.

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