Why Try This At Home? It Won't Work.

So yesterday a coworker told me about a trick that tells you when you'll get married. You fill up a glass 1/2 way with water. Then take a chain, put a ring on it, and put it in the glass so the ring sinks. Then pull out the ring, leaving it directly above the water. The ring then starts to swing on the chain, and the number of times the ring dings on the glass is the age you'll be when you get married. After so many dings, the ring suddenly stops swinging. Make sense? Apparently she gets the same number everytime—31.

One of my top 3 fears is that I'll never fall in love. So I snag a whiskey glass, fill it 1/2 way with water and stick my class ring on a silver chain. I sink it, pull it out, and it never dings. I blow on it. It dings 5 times. I lose the class ring and snag a cheap silver ring. No ding. I put ice in the glass and try again. No ding. Either I'm retarded or I'm just never getting married. Perhaps I'm both retarded and destined to die alone. The bouquet I caught at last weekend's wedding was just a ploy to keep me hanging on to the hope that Mr. Tina S. is out there. Well I have news for you Miss Bouquet Tease. The ring didn't ding. So I just ate 1/2 a box of Thin Mints. Thank you, Girl Scouts.