Friday, July 13, 2007

Sophie: 1, Me: 0

My cat, Sophie Sassypants, despises my boyfriend, Danny. It's becoming quite an issue. When Sophie and Dan first met, it wasn't quite love at first sight, but both parties were amicable. Somewhere along the line, she began to treat Dan as if he puked on her favorite catnip mouse—she avoided him at all times. I could be on my bed watching Animal Planet with Soph, she would be purring away, and Dan will walk in and she'll immediately take cover under my bed. Then Dan'll turn to me with a look of dejection and ask, "Why doesn't she like me?" I'll try to lure her out with her fur-on-a-stick toy, and she might ease out...but the minute Dan so much as looks at her, she runs for her life. We tried everything. I would walk up to Danny with Soph in my arms. "Dan, give her a kiss." He obliged. "Dan, give her this catnip." She took one sniff and went across the room. "Dan, give her a cat treat." I tried to get him to feed her that disgusting wet cat food. That, he refused.

It even got to the point where she somehow made about five holes in my mattress box frame so she could crawl in it—usually at night when we're both sleeping. And she'd make it a point to run around on Dan's side of the bed until he'd wake up, annoyed. On Tuesday, we reached a breaking point. We came home after dinner, Soph ran up to me, until she spotted my boyfriend. She gave him a look of death and ran under the bed. Dan got mad. "That's it! I'm taping up her hiding spot! She needs to get used to me and learn to hang out with us! And I need to get some sleep." I agreed, and threw him some duct tape. I watched in awe as Dan destroyed my room, my blankets and pillows strewn on the floor, one mattress against the wall, box frame against another. Sophie hid underneath the claw-foot bathtub. He proceeded to tape up my box frame, like his life depended on it. He went threw full rolls of duct tape, masking tape and packing tape. Layer after layer of tape because according to Danny, "Those paws will get through anything. This'll keep her out." He raved about how much he "loves little handy projects" and how he "wants to help me out around the house more." He's so sweet. I thanked him, and we put my room back together. That night, Sophie slept underneath (not in) my bed.

Now I think Dan has given up on trying to win love and affection from my cat. Last night, he wouldn't touch her. "She doesn't deserve my love," he told me. "But I just want her to see in you what I see!" I begged. So we went to sleep with a small, furry 5-pound elephant in the room. Sophie wins.

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