Thursday, May 13, 2010

The Trials of Living 2,000 Miles Away From Home

If you know me at all, you'll know that not only do my dad and I have an interestingly tumultuous relationship, but he is also the love of my life (in a non-creepy way). The minute my mom passed away back in 1998, I immediately jumped into "parent mode" and have spent every waking moment since putting my pop in his place, lovingly bossing him around. I don't know why I do this. I often wish that I didn't, as it would save us a lot of bickering. But truth be told... deep down, I don't think he'd have it any other way. After all, if I don't take care of his goofy ass, who will?

Me (calling dad): Hi, I tried calling you yesterday.
Dad: Oh, I was at the hospital.
Me: Why?!
Dad: I just fell in the basement and broke my foot... but I'm OK!
Me: What?? When did this happen?!
Dad: Day before yesterday. But I thought it was fine until I took a shower yesterday and saw that my toes were going in two different directions.
Me: Oh, dad... you're an older person, you need to get these things checked out right away. Are you OK? Do you have crutches?
Dad: I'm OK, I just have a big giant shoe I have to wear.
Me: Well... why didn't you tell me right away??
Dad: Because I knew you would get upset and worry!
Me: This is why I worry. Because you don't tell me things. I would've told you right away!
Dad: You're right, and I would want you to. I'm sorry. But hey, I never lie to you!
Me: So, what, am I supposed to know which questions to ask you every day — "How's your foot? How's your wrist? How's your head? Do you have cancer?"
Dad: Is this going on Facebook?
Me: Yes.

My dad then proceeds to spend the next five minutes urging me to say a swear word. "C'mon, Tina, just say 'fuck.'" No, Dad. I'm at work. "C'mon... you're so cute when you cuss." Goodbye, Dad.

Photo of Dad and I, circa 1981.


  1. i can relate to this situation, except MY MOM who is 87 can t wait to tell us all that she fell or is sick, she just needs attention!

  2. Awww... too funny! Parents can be difficult people, that's for sure. :)

  3. LOVE LOVE LVE THIS. hilarious.


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