Dear John

Dear John,
I saw you in concert last night, and I thought you were suberb. Your guitar-orgasm faces were exceptional. It was also really exciting when all 100,000 people starting screaming along with "Why, Georgia." That song has gotten me through many a tough time. Obviously, everyone goes through a quarter-life crisis (Hell, I bought the book), and everyone has their Georgias. I just think you should know that you are an extremely talented writer, and I'm not selling out when I say that. You write what we're all thinking quite beautifully, JSYK. "Stupid Mouth"? Sheer genius. Social casualties are the story of my life, and I, too, am often a Miss Captain Backfire. Fathers and mothers should be good to their daughters, because the daughters become lovers and eventually mothers. I do not think you should attempt that Jimi Hendrix rendition again though. And it's really not necessary to include "Your Body is a Wonderland" in your playlist, because I never really liked that song. But overall, I enjoyed your concert and will most likely continue to give you my money.
xo, Tina

PS Because I'm so tired from watching your concert, this morning I spilled water all over my thesaurus, in addition to breaking my second favorite coffee mug that's from Hawaii. Please send me $15.00 to cover those casualties. Thank you.