How to Make the Worst Cocktail Ever

I've been slacking on the journal like a booze-addicted college freshman in fuck-me boots with an 8 a.m. Algebra class. Wait, that was me four years ago. Except for the fuck-me boots. And I got a 2.0 that semester.

I've had so much to write about lately, but my computer at home has been down and work has been a bitch. Damn..I now have strawberry jelly on my keyboard. Except for Z and Q..well now they've covered in jam, too. Crap.

Consider this:
- Never mix tequila, vodka and cranberry juice. It's gross. Well, it was an accident. I was chilling with The Gorgeous People again, and the vodka supply was running low. I had half a vodka and cranberry, when a new bottle arrived. Before the GPs could snag it, I refilled my glass. Dude, it was clear. But it was tequila. Gross.

- Sometimes I wish my boss and 95% of the world's male population would all fall into a lava-filled crevice in the earth's crust. But only sometimes. But that bitch in elementary school who asked me if my mom picked out my clothes? Yeah, she can fall down there. And she can wear my pink Mr. Rogers sweater with the matching socks.

- On Sunday, I hung out at CP. Everyone was at CP. I'd gone to meet Curtis, and Michelle, Anne, Eliza and Jenny were all there. Separately. So we joined forces. The most bizarre thing? There were beer vendors around. I had no clue old men strolled up and down Sheep's Meadow selling Heineken and "green" out of garbage bags. We got approached five times. And we'd forgotten to bring our "Looking for Beer and Weed" cardboard sign. Hey, it was Sunday.

- If you're me, and you say something cool and profound, no one cares. But if you're P. Diddy and you say something cool and profound, it's the coolest and most profound thing you've ever heard. I covered the first annual Music Upfront yesterday. Diddy gave the closing remarks and didn't say a damn thing that I hadn't been listening to all day. But everyone cheered like he was MLK, Jr. Give me a break.