Monday, March 28, 2005

Twentysomething Adolescence

Sometimes...I just feel like I'm going through puberty all over again. Or adolescence. Maybe not puberty, I have that particular 5-day-a-month timeframe down pat.

But adolescence. I hated it. I couldn't decide between blonde, brown or red hair, so I tried them all. I didn't know if I was a bodysuit-and-cords preppy or a dad's-flannel-and-baggy-jeans grungy, so I did both. I fell into a Nirvana phase after Kurt's death, but I still loved TLC. Some days I knew all about life's deepest secrets. Other days I was an unpopular shy girl with braces and big glasses who didn't have a clue.

That was Junior High. And Ewic. Then High School came and went. Popularity came and went. Same with part-time jobs and college. And moving across the country.

Now here I am. I've decided on brown hair, and I've come to realize that it's OK to have an ecclectic taste in music. I still can't decide if I want to be a working-girl professional with power pantsuits or if I want to go to work looking like a rockstar. I'm not sure if everyone else can see that I feel like a kid living in an adult's world. I'm still an insecure girl who bites her lip and can never grow her nails because they're always chewed to the quick. A girl who's still baffled by the opposite sex, when all she wants is someone to hold her hand and walk her to her hypothetical locker.

I'd never want to relive adolescence. I hated it.

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