Thursday, March 31, 2005

Wanted: Hot Guy Offering Guitar Lessons

I have three things I'd like to talk about:

1. The Ex Files
So The Ex was in town a month ago. Come to find out, he asked my friend E for her phone number, claiming, "Yeah, we should all hang out sometime." Of course she assumed I would be included, she barely knew who the hell he was. Three weeks later (not three days, as in the "Three Day Rule," but three weeks), he calls her. He says, "I'm The Ex. We met a few weeks ago?" She's like, "The Ex? Where'd we meet?" He's all, "A bar. I was with another guy." She's like, "What bar?" He's all, "I don't know. I'm tall. Um, The Ex, Tina's friend." Three years later he mentions me. So then she remembers him and is like, "Oh? How's Tina? I haven't talked to her in a while." He hasn't talked to me in a while either. Not in three weeks. He's all, "I don't know. Do you wanna come visit out here in LI? Stay a weekend?" Huh?? What's with picking up my friends behind my back? Acting like she's not going to piece together that I'm Your Ex. If you want to hook up with my friends, I probably wouldn't care, because I'm so over you and your big ugly weiner. But don't intentionally do it behind my back. And if you're going to do that, at least be smooth and call her when she'll remember your dumb face. Some boys are stupid.

2. The Orange Crush
There's someone out there who I think is cute. He sent me a sweet text message yesterday, and of course, I immediately responded, thinking he might respond. Nope. I hate being the last person to send a text—it gives the other party all the control. Please send me a text message. So I can not text you back and have my control again, thank you.

3. Future Rockstar
So...(drum roll, please)...I'm going to buy a guitar! Maybe a pink acoustic one, but how freakin' AWESOME would that be? More awesome than a chocolate-covered butterfly, I'll tell you that. Kidding, I would never eat a butterfly, I do not support b-fly homicide. Ooh..what a cool album title..."Butterfly Homicide." Release date TBA. Anyway, back to my guitar. I figure I can get a decent one for $100. And check into some cheap lessons around here, but this is not talk. I'm totally doing this in the next two weeks. I'll be one of those cool guitar-music chicks. It's all just v. exciting!

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