Looks Can Be Deceiving

Do you ever have days where you look in the mirror and think, Gee, I'm just not as cute as I thought I was. Like, all these years, you thought you were an attractive person...most of the time. Then suddenly, it occurs to you that you may have been living a lie. A borderline cocky, conceited lie. In actuality, you're this grotesque person with dark under-eye circles, forehead wrinkles, yellow teeth, freckles and thin, vein-y cheeks. Uh, ew! No wonder you don't have a BF! Maybe you should have accepted that slightly nerdy boy's offer to buy you a drink. Because honey, slightly nerdy's as good as it's gonna get.

Melodramatic much? Perhaps. I'm trying to sell some furniture, see. I have a $30 rickety old desk, and I received an e-mail from Whitney this morning. She wanted to come by tonight. So at 9 p.m., Whitney calls. Only, Whitney is a he with a twangy, Texan accent. Not only that, but an adorable Whitney shows up on my doorstep. "Hah," he drawls. He steps into my room, takes one look at my desk and says, "That's smaller than I wanted. See yah," right before he turns on his heel and nearly runs out of my apartment. He couldn't leave fast enough! Weird, I think. Until I glance in the mirror and spot my sweat-tastic face. Ew! No wonder. I'm just not as cute as I thought I was.


Editor's note: I'm not fishing. If I get one, "But you are cute," I'm gonna have Whitney hunt you down. It's just how I feel. This week.