Thursday, May 29, 2008

Reasons Why I Once Took Anti-Anxiety Medication

Things that make me kind of uncomfortable:
  • His&Her MySpace pages. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. For starters, you can bet that these are always implemented by The Wife. And secondly, what if I don't feel like talking to You&Your Husband? After all, I'm your friend. But it's like, you suddenly put on a white dress and lose all sense of individuality. Don't get me wrong, being in love is awesome. I will even likely take my future husband's last name. But that whole "We" bit really does have its limits. I highly doubt that Your Husband and His Friends adore your butterfly MySpace layout.
  • Elevators. Especially at work—the three elevators in my 10-floor building are insanely slow. Take yesterday, for instance: I found myself waiting for the elevator with my company's CEO. I'm really not sure if he knows my name. So I awkwardly kept checking the clock every two seconds and pretended to dig in my purse for some nonexistent necessity until my salvation arrived. But because the elevators are so slow, they usually stop at every single floor going down because...everyone on every floor is waiting. So I awkwardly look at the flashing green number above, as if I don't know which floor is coming next. But let's be honest. I do. I can count backwards from 10. And being in an elevator is like being in a library. You're not supposed to talk, and if you do, people try their hardest not to look annoyed, which actually makes their annoyance that much more obvious.
  • People wearing sunglasses on the PATH. Or subway. This makes me extremely anxious. It's not sunny underground. Maybe they do it to avoid eye contact with that legless beggar in the wheelchair you see from time to time, I'm really not sure. But if they're sitting directly across from me, it always makes me feel as if they're staring at me. I don't like being stared down on the train, and if I see someone staring at me, I stare right back until they get really really uncomfortable.

1 comment:

  1. ha ha ha. you crack me up. i hate the his and her pages too. epecially when they use poor grammar on their update that doesnt fit like him&her IS going shopping. eek.


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