Wednesday, September 29, 2004
Webster, You Defeat Your Own Purpose!
Why is it that when I look up a word in Webster, he uses long words to describe the long word I'm looking for, thereby forcing me to find five more words to get one definition? It's very vexing.
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
Philadelphia, 2004 (Wouldn't 1979 sound so much cooler? The '00s suck.)
Philadelphia brings to mind Cheese Steaks, Bruce Springsteen and Tom Hanks. I experienced it for the first time last weekend. But instead of Cheese Steaks, Bruce and Tom, it was Lorenzo's, Crystal Light and Couples. Single chick hell. Except for the pizza and vodka-infused 0-calorie juice. Me, my friend Curtis, and his pal TD attended a dinner party. It was us and four twenty-something couples who lived together. (Not together as in eight people, but as in couples.) V. interesting, mind you.
Couple #1 (The Hosts): She makes a mean four-layer dip. He smokes a mean bowl of weed. She's unhappy. He smokes weed. They've been together for five years, lived together for three. I've known Her for all of an hour, and She's asking me for my advice on how to get out of the relationship/shared apartment. Honey, let me first get in one. Then I'll let you know my plan of escape. Either way, She's too good for Him. She was my favorite Female at the party.
Couple #2: The only forty-something couple at the party. They were new in town—from California. Picture your second-grade teacher... smoking weed. This was Her. They seemed a bit uncomfortable.
Couple #3: She was a cute blonde who teaches elementary school. He was a skinny kid. They both looked about 19. I didn't really get to know Them. I was too mystified by Couple #4.
Couple #4: She wore pearls. He liked chicken wings. She was the biggest idiot I've ever met or seen on TV. Worse than Anna Nicole Smith, Phoebe Buffet from Friends, my friend Tara from H.S. and me at my ditziest...all put together. He didn't seem to notice. I don't recall Her name, but She brought an annoying poodle named Baby Abby Tequila. All She talked about was Her future line of maternity clothes. (You know, the kind where the belly shows—apparently that's in right now. It kinda makes me want to get preggers. Psych!) Oh, and some tailgate we all had to go to. At this point, I'd had too much vodka-infused 0-calorie punch, and I don't remember the rest of Her idiosyncrasies. Our conclusion: This Chick rocks in bed.
Couple #1 (The Hosts): She makes a mean four-layer dip. He smokes a mean bowl of weed. She's unhappy. He smokes weed. They've been together for five years, lived together for three. I've known Her for all of an hour, and She's asking me for my advice on how to get out of the relationship/shared apartment. Honey, let me first get in one. Then I'll let you know my plan of escape. Either way, She's too good for Him. She was my favorite Female at the party.
Couple #2: The only forty-something couple at the party. They were new in town—from California. Picture your second-grade teacher... smoking weed. This was Her. They seemed a bit uncomfortable.
Couple #3: She was a cute blonde who teaches elementary school. He was a skinny kid. They both looked about 19. I didn't really get to know Them. I was too mystified by Couple #4.
Couple #4: She wore pearls. He liked chicken wings. She was the biggest idiot I've ever met or seen on TV. Worse than Anna Nicole Smith, Phoebe Buffet from Friends, my friend Tara from H.S. and me at my ditziest...all put together. He didn't seem to notice. I don't recall Her name, but She brought an annoying poodle named Baby Abby Tequila. All She talked about was Her future line of maternity clothes. (You know, the kind where the belly shows—apparently that's in right now. It kinda makes me want to get preggers. Psych!) Oh, and some tailgate we all had to go to. At this point, I'd had too much vodka-infused 0-calorie punch, and I don't remember the rest of Her idiosyncrasies. Our conclusion: This Chick rocks in bed.
Thursday, September 23, 2004
One Week
Things I've learned this week:
- Drinking shots of Alize at 2 a.m. is not a very good idea.
- If I sleep with the window open during a "weather change," I'll catch a cold.
- If I put this stuff called "primer" on before I apply mascara, it makes my eyelashes look really long, which really excites me because mascara is my favorite.
- I kind of want to invest in a high-flying kite.
- Black sparkly polish just doesn't look pretty on my nails, even though it looks cute on Hilary Duff. I just can't pull off the Goth Look.
- That He's Just Not Into Me. And the book is sold out.
- There are some friends in this world you can go a year without talking to, and then suddenly pick up where you left off and it's completely cool.
- There's at least one person from high school who thinks you're completely beautiful—and you probably never had a clue.
- I was really missing out on the fun of downloading music illegally.
- If I put too much oil in my feta cheese pasta, it makes my stomach hurt the next day. Gross. I hope I won't be a horrible cook forever.
- The Used sings that awesome song I like.."The Taste Of Ink."
- Your parents'll get pissed if you don't call for five days. They worry more than they let on.
- SATC reruns will never get old. Sigh.
- The October issue of JANE really sucks.
- Britney Spears is a complete idiot. Wait, I learned that nine months ago.
- It costs $105 to be able to serve alcohol in Hoboken, and no one will hire me two days a week.
- No one in Hoboken wants me to watch their kids, either.
- Maybe it's time to go brunette for the winter...?
- A lot of guys don't tell their girlfriends the entire truth...like they want out of the relationship but continue to visit everyday. What's up..MIKE?
- Target will take back anything, no questions asked.
- Just because it's cheesecake, doesn't mean it's going to be good.
- There are more Bush supporters than I thought. Boo.
- That I really am registered to vote in Hoboken. Just to make sure. Yay.
- The greatest birthday planner ever needed someone to plan HER birthday, and no one did—she spent hers at the zoo alone. :( I love you, Jessi! And had I been in Nelly's hometown, we would have done shots until we were playing strip poker at Denny's.
- Gray eyeshadow looks prettier than black eyeliner.
- My semi-new brown sandals really hurt my feet. Maybe I should return them to Target.
That's a lot to learn in one week. I think I wasted $40,000.
- Drinking shots of Alize at 2 a.m. is not a very good idea.
- If I sleep with the window open during a "weather change," I'll catch a cold.
- If I put this stuff called "primer" on before I apply mascara, it makes my eyelashes look really long, which really excites me because mascara is my favorite.
- I kind of want to invest in a high-flying kite.
- Black sparkly polish just doesn't look pretty on my nails, even though it looks cute on Hilary Duff. I just can't pull off the Goth Look.
- That He's Just Not Into Me. And the book is sold out.
- There are some friends in this world you can go a year without talking to, and then suddenly pick up where you left off and it's completely cool.
- There's at least one person from high school who thinks you're completely beautiful—and you probably never had a clue.
- I was really missing out on the fun of downloading music illegally.
- If I put too much oil in my feta cheese pasta, it makes my stomach hurt the next day. Gross. I hope I won't be a horrible cook forever.
- The Used sings that awesome song I like.."The Taste Of Ink."
- Your parents'll get pissed if you don't call for five days. They worry more than they let on.
- SATC reruns will never get old. Sigh.
- The October issue of JANE really sucks.
- Britney Spears is a complete idiot. Wait, I learned that nine months ago.
- It costs $105 to be able to serve alcohol in Hoboken, and no one will hire me two days a week.
- No one in Hoboken wants me to watch their kids, either.
- Maybe it's time to go brunette for the winter...?
- A lot of guys don't tell their girlfriends the entire truth...like they want out of the relationship but continue to visit everyday. What's up..MIKE?
- Target will take back anything, no questions asked.
- Just because it's cheesecake, doesn't mean it's going to be good.
- There are more Bush supporters than I thought. Boo.
- That I really am registered to vote in Hoboken. Just to make sure. Yay.
- The greatest birthday planner ever needed someone to plan HER birthday, and no one did—she spent hers at the zoo alone. :( I love you, Jessi! And had I been in Nelly's hometown, we would have done shots until we were playing strip poker at Denny's.
- Gray eyeshadow looks prettier than black eyeliner.
- My semi-new brown sandals really hurt my feet. Maybe I should return them to Target.
That's a lot to learn in one week. I think I wasted $40,000.
Sunday, September 19, 2004
Hi, my name is Tina. And I am a Trend Whore.
Although I think of my style as borderline unique, I am a Trend Whore. I admit it! Don't get me wrong, I'm not trendy for the sake of being trendy. I only fall slave to trends if I like the one at hand. Or if they grow on me.
Take the case of the Pointy Boots: Junior year of college, my roommate Nicole was addicted to the Victoria's Secret Catalog. I'd browse through it on occasion, like during the marvelous Semi-Annual Sale. Anyway, she was really into these black, pointy-toed stiletto boots in the VSC. They were like, $100. So her sweet boyfriend eventually bought them for her, and she'd wear them around the house all the time—even in her PJs. I hated them. I thought she looked like a witch in them, and I told her so. She said I was jealous. I wasn't.
Well, last fall—my first fall in New York—I was suddenly jealous. Of those PBs. As I went on job interview after job interview in my round-toed clunkers, I felt like a completely unsophisticated idiot. The boots I once loathed, I wanted. A whole two years later. So last November, I bought a pair. I lived in them until May, the start of sandal-season.
Last week, I was browsing through the October issue of Glamour. The shoe du jour? Round-toed flats, pumps, boots, etc. And anything tweed. Of course, my round-toed clunkers are most likely resting on a homeless person's feet. Glenda the bag lady is trendy, and she doesn't even know it.
My point is this: Ever since that SJP/Lenny Gap commercial aired, girls across the country have been raiding Granny's jewelry box. Brooches. I mean, when I saw that cluster of brooches on SJP's abdomen, I thought "Sheer genius!" Really. And I proudly admit that just an hour ago, I spent $27 on two beautiful pins, and I am v. excited. One is a rhinestone "T," and the other is a gorgeous rhinstone..colorful thing. For the past hour, I have been fantasizing about how fabulous the brooches will look pinned on all my different blazers, cardigans and jackets. Sigh. I love being a girl. And a Trend Whore.
P.S. Instead of prescribing meds to the severely depressed, they should prescribe accessories shopping on a pretty day.
Take the case of the Pointy Boots: Junior year of college, my roommate Nicole was addicted to the Victoria's Secret Catalog. I'd browse through it on occasion, like during the marvelous Semi-Annual Sale. Anyway, she was really into these black, pointy-toed stiletto boots in the VSC. They were like, $100. So her sweet boyfriend eventually bought them for her, and she'd wear them around the house all the time—even in her PJs. I hated them. I thought she looked like a witch in them, and I told her so. She said I was jealous. I wasn't.
Well, last fall—my first fall in New York—I was suddenly jealous. Of those PBs. As I went on job interview after job interview in my round-toed clunkers, I felt like a completely unsophisticated idiot. The boots I once loathed, I wanted. A whole two years later. So last November, I bought a pair. I lived in them until May, the start of sandal-season.
Last week, I was browsing through the October issue of Glamour. The shoe du jour? Round-toed flats, pumps, boots, etc. And anything tweed. Of course, my round-toed clunkers are most likely resting on a homeless person's feet. Glenda the bag lady is trendy, and she doesn't even know it.
My point is this: Ever since that SJP/Lenny Gap commercial aired, girls across the country have been raiding Granny's jewelry box. Brooches. I mean, when I saw that cluster of brooches on SJP's abdomen, I thought "Sheer genius!" Really. And I proudly admit that just an hour ago, I spent $27 on two beautiful pins, and I am v. excited. One is a rhinestone "T," and the other is a gorgeous rhinstone..colorful thing. For the past hour, I have been fantasizing about how fabulous the brooches will look pinned on all my different blazers, cardigans and jackets. Sigh. I love being a girl. And a Trend Whore.
P.S. Instead of prescribing meds to the severely depressed, they should prescribe accessories shopping on a pretty day.
Thursday, September 16, 2004
I Miss Fugitive Barbie
So I was just e-mailing some dedicated readers that they've been selected to be a member of our Birthday Club. Something I noticed? Not one of their e-mails contained a first and a last name like those belonging to all of my grown-up friends. How sad. But you know what? If I got a resume from a potential intern who wanted me to e-mail them at sk8rchick@msn.com, I'd laugh my head off. I guess that's a sign of being a grown-up.
I miss the days when e-mail addresses were cool, like fugitivebarbie08@aol.com or iheartleonardo@yahoo.com. Hmm...what was mine? I think it was probably btrflygirl@aol.com or something. Now it's just crappy tina underscore smithers. I hate underscores.
I miss the days when e-mail addresses were cool, like fugitivebarbie08@aol.com or iheartleonardo@yahoo.com. Hmm...what was mine? I think it was probably btrflygirl@aol.com or something. Now it's just crappy tina underscore smithers. I hate underscores.
