Emotionally Unavailable

What the hell is it with emotionally unavailable men? I must be a fucking idiot. Not to be cocky, but I really think I could make the best girlfriend, if someone would just give me a chance. I'm super supportive, I care about his interests (I fucking know the Yankees lineup by heart), I'm independent, I offer to pay, I clean up well, I'm willing to learn how to cook, I don't smell, I can bong two beers, I have a firm handshake, I'm not shabby between the sheets, etc. SO WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME? Two short-term boyfriends in five years has got to tell me something, but I don't know what. My dad always says I'm the kind of girl boys want to marry, but no one wants to fucking get married! Hell, I don't want to get married until I'm at least 27. So I'm supposed to twiddle my goddamn thumbs until a dude decides he wants to settle down?! Meantime, I can't f-ing handle being surrounded by couples. It sucks. And I'm tired of wondering what it's like. I'm tired of trying to figure men out. Perhaps I should relax and not try to figure it out, but I just can't accept being alone forev. I'm having another pity party, and you're all invited. BYOCF (Bring Your Own Comfort Food) I'm stuffing my face with hummus. And it sucks.