Wednesday, October 6, 2004

My Big Day of Fun

So I had my first surgery. No big deal. Basically, I had to get this small lump-thing removed from my right boobie. But that's not what I want to tell you about. I want to tell you about one of the funnest experiences of my life. And you know what? At the end, I remember being sorry it was over. No wonder they say drugs are addictive...

On the surgery table. All I could think about and/or look at was the hot, dark-haired doctor. Despite the mask and blue scrubs, I knew he was hot.
Me: Wow, this is so weird! Ugh, I can't
Assistant: Yeah
Me: What's this in my nose?
Hot Doctor: It's for oxygen.
Me: Cool. My nose itches.
Me: Wow. My nose really itches. Hey, I can kind of feel that.
Old Doctor: Let's give her more of the local...
A 1/2 hour must go by. I don't really remember what I was babbling about.
Me: My nose itches. Did you take it out yet?
Doctor: Yes.
Me: Well, can I see it? I want to see it.
Doctor: I showed it to you.
Me: No you didn't! I want to see it.
Doctor: Yes I did. You were asleep.
Me: No I wasn't! My eyes were open the whole time.
Old Doctor: You saw it.
Me: Well, can I ask you a question?
Doctor: No.
Me: Can I ask a question? What are you doing? Are you using stitches?
Hot Doctor: Yes.
Me: Well, did you take it out? Can I see it?
Doctor: I showed it to you.
Me: No you didn't! My nose itches. This is kinda fun. Are you stitching me up?
Assistant: Yes.
Me: I'm sorry. I'm being so annoying. I just wanted to see what it looked like!
Doctor: We don't have it anymore. It went to the lab.
Me: Well, I just wanted to see it! Am I OK?
Doctor: I'm 98% sure you're fine.
Me: When will I find out?
Doctor: In about a week.
Me: Well, thanks! My nose itches.
I get up. I get in the fun wheelchair. The assistant takes me up to the Graham Cracker and Apple Juice Room.

So I'm sitting in the big blue chair..dozing or something. I get four cups of apple juice and six crackers. A hot boy walks in and I decide I'd like to talk to him. He's on Anesthesia, too.
Nurse: Just walk slowly.
Boy: OK. This is weird.
Nurse: Just try to think about something else.
Boy: Yeah, like women.

The nurses laugh. I fantasize about going over there and giving that hot boy a lap dance. And we'd eat crackers and drink juice and eventually get married. Ha! And I can say... "Thank you for coming to the wedding. We met in the Graham Cracker and Apple Juice Room." But instead I sit and work on crocheting my winter scarf. Sweet Curtis comes and brings me flowers, and I buy him Italian dinner. And he my incessant chatter. Oh, and my fab roomie Courtney gave me pretty roses, too. I'm lucky to have lovely friends!

Now I'm tired, and my band-aid is...scary-looking. And I'm pissed because I have to wear my bra day and night for five days. Women! You know bras are fucking uncomfortable...especially in bed. Unlike SATC's Samantha, we don't wake up in our bras in the morning. F that.

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