Wax On, Wax Off

Disclaimer: Not a chick? Then you may not care to read this entry.

So I walked into my favorite nail salon on Friday in need of a wax. Not an eyebrow wax. The Wax. I haven't gotten The Wax since last summer. Don't get me wrong, I'm no Bush Girl. I trim Delores. (I don't have a name for my "down there" region. That's just want my friend Jill and I used to say when discussing hygiene.)

Anyway, so I was going to get The Wax. Let me give you the play-by-play 'cause it was v. interesting.

Wax Lady: You want p*ssy wax or bikini wax?
Me: Huh?
Wax Lady: P*ssy wax or bikini wax?
She said the "P" word! OMG...
Me: Bikini, please.
Wax Lady: I try something else you like.
Me: No, I'd just like a bikini wax please.
Wax Lady: You like. Just lie down.
Me: I'm scared.
Wax Lady: Don't be scared. Rriiippp!
Me: Ow!
Rriiippp! Rip! Riipp!
Wax Lady: All done!
I glance down, as I feverishly slide on my panties and skirt. There's what looks like a hairy race track on my crotch. Whatev. What's done is done.
Me: Thanks! Can I please get my eyebrows waxed? Not too thin!
Wax Lady: Sure!
Riip! Rip! There's something about an eyebrow wax I like. Maybe it's the masochist side of me just longing to be noticed. But "down there"? I do not enjoy that. It hurts like a mo-fo.
Wax Lady: All done! $15, please!
I give her a $20.
Me: Can I please have $1 back?
She gives me back a $5.
Me: But that was my tip! Don't you want it? I don't need the $1. You can keep the $5.
Wax Lady: It's OK! Good for business!
Me: No! Take it! I want to tip you.
Wax Lady: No tip! Here, take nail polish.
She shoves a box of assorted polishes at me.
Me: I don't need nail polish! I just want to tip you!
Wax Lady: No tip. Take polish! Gift! There. Pretty color. See you next time!
Me: Um, well, thank you! I'll be back!

What a weird experience. The racing strip is slowly growing on me...haha, literally!